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1. Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Birthday
2. Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Hour
3. Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Wishes
4. Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Person

• Being a good leader means making good decisions, especially under duress. A new book looks at how neuroscience can help leaders make sound judgments by mapping patterns of mental activity: The Wise A.
• The professor will likely be happy enough that you are showing an interest in the material and are willing to try to work through your understanding of the material. For example, if the professor is talking about the role of philosophy in American politics, you may say, “I’m not sure if I understand what you mean.

How happy are you—really? If there’s room for improvement, then Gretchen Rubin has some suggestions for how to be happy. A few ways to be happy can't immediately fix everything, but they can give your happiness boost and help you move closer to a happy life. At the very least, you can rest assured that you're at least working toward figuring out how to make yourself happy.

Being a good leader means making good decisions, especially under duress. A new book looks at how neuroscience can help leaders make sound judgments by mapping patterns of mental activity: The Wise Advocate: The Inner Voice of Strategic Leadership.

It was written by Jeffrey Schwartz, research psychiatrist at UCLA School of Medicine; Art Kleiner, editor-in-chief of PwC’s strategy+business management magazine; and Josie Thomson, business coach, speaker and author. Schwartz and Kleiner joined the Knowledge@Wharton radio show on SiriusXM to talk about the research behind their book. (Listen to the podcast at the top of this page.)

An edited transcript of the conversation follows.

Knowledge@Wharton: Can you talk about how neuroscience is key to understanding so many things within our business culture?

Jeffrey Schwartz: That is very true, but there are limitations to how far you can get with just neuroscience. The advantage of neuroscience is that it gives a neutral platform that has a strong scientific grounding, a strong scientific validation to talk about the relationship between emotional life, emotional inner experiences, focusing of attention, and then what we call the executive brain, which is very related to executive function.

That’s the big word that neuroscience and business have in common — executive. What that means in both neuroscience and in business is planning ahead, keeping your focus of attention on goal-oriented plans and inhibiting responses, especially habitual responses that take you away from your long-term goals. That’s where neuroscience and business align.

Knowledge@Wharton: Companies are looking for every edge to improve their operations. Is this one of them?

Art Kleiner: Most companies are under unprecedented pressure. They’ve always been under unprecedented pressure, but it just keeps getting more complicated because life keeps getting more and more complicated, especially with the global environment.

There are two ways of reacting to that pressure, two ways of being a leader. You can be transactional: solve problems, get things done, please your boss, please your customers, make deals. You need to be that kind of leader.

But in a time of challenge, you need to find ways to move your organization past its threshold, past its limits, to do things that you and your colleagues couldn’t do before. We call that kind of leader a strategic leader because they’re looking at long-term goals. In order to be that kind of leader, you have to really think about the world around you, the people around you, and yourself in new ways.

Knowledge@Wharton: In the book, how do you tie neuroscience to leadership and management?

Schwartz: One really important point about how the brain works that has tremendous relevance to day-to-day business operations is what we commonly call the habit center. That part of the brain is the basal ganglia, towards the bottom or base of the brain. This is a part of the brain that we share with reptiles and with birds, and it operates in a human being very similarly to a reptile, a bird and a rodent. That’s one of the reasons why it has been studied so intensively scientifically.

“Habits come up anytime you’re under stress, which in business is all the time.” –Jeffrey Schwartz

But here’s the key point: Habits happen automatically, and that can be tremendously advantageous. But they happen largely without your awareness. So, habits come up anytime you’re under stress, which in business is all the time. Because habits happen very largely under the conscious level, and they tend to take over under stress, one of the things we want to use the executive brain to do is make choices and become conscious of what our habits are getting us to do and to be able to inhibit them, which takes a lot of brain energy when it’s appropriate. We want to change the habit. That is one of the big points of how understanding how the brain works directly informs how to run a business.

Knowledge@Wharton: Is there a connection between habits that form in the business realm and in our personal lives?

Schwartz: There’s a huge amount of crossover, and that brings in the whole personal element in being a great leader, which is very, very big. We never want to demean or undermine the critical importance of transactional leadership. If you’re not pleasing your customers, you don’t have a business. However, we do want to get beyond that.

The way the brain works, you can become an extremely good transactional organization just on habit alone. But what happens then is that the business is not adaptive enough. To become more adaptive to constantly changing circumstances, you need this executive function, you need this planning, and you need this capacity to make choices to inhibit the habits that are no longer serving your function anymore.

That’s where strategic leadership really comes in. Transactional is necessary, but it has to be modified over time and adapted by strategic leadership executive principles.

Kleiner: Fortunately, you get a chance to practice that every time you make a decision. Let’s say I have a difficult personnel decision. I’ve got somebody who’s not performing. I want to make that person happy, but I also have to make all the other people who are covering for that person happy, and I have to make my boss happy. And I start thinking about how I’m going to be happy. I take a sick day, and then I come back and I do the expedient thing, which might be giving a poor performance review or setting in motion things [that would lead to a firing].

But I haven’t really thought about what the situation calls for. I haven’t really thought about how this person fits in, what their long-term trajectory is, what contribution they’re making, what it would cost to replace them and what this person is thinking. Why are they doing the things they’re doing? Why are the people around them not giving that person the support they need? Why am I reacting the way I’m reacting?

If I stop and look at my own thoughts and re-label them not just as reality but as my own reactions to this — if I come up with a storyline that helps me understand the various people and the relationships between them — then I’m much more equipped to say, “What does this situation really need? What do we all need to do differently, and how do we all need to think differently?”

When I do that once, and I do it successfully, that’s great. If I do that time and time again, then I’m building the habit of doing it. I’m changing the way my neural patterns work, making it easier for me to pick up this habit in the future. Sooner or later, I become that kind of presence in the organization around me.

“In a time of challenge, you need to find ways to move your organization past its threshold, past its limits, to do things that you and your colleagues couldn’t do before. ” –Art Kleiner

Schwartz: A term that has become very popular in social neuroscience in the last decade is mentalizing, which simply means thinking about what other people are thinking, thinking about what they’re going to do. This is in contradistinction and in addition to thinking about what they want, which is the cardinal part of transactional leadership.

Transactional leadership is largely about thinking about what people want. Obviously, satisfying your customer is critical, thinking about what they want. However, we want to go beyond that. At the strategic level — the transition from what we call the “low ground” to the “high ground” — we use mentalizing to start thinking about what they’re thinking, so you can understand why they want what they want.

It’s really thinking about what people are going to do, then re-labeling our own responses to that and thinking about how customers, how colleagues, how superiors think about what’s going on, what they’re going to do. We can use that in our pattern of labeling our own responses to become more mindful, become more aware, have the “wise advocate.” Because the wise advocate is our inner guide that we create an inner constructive narrative in consultation with. That’s how you integrate executive function with mindfulness.

Knowledge@Wharton: Will mixing all those qualities put managers on a path for success for themselves and the company?

Kleiner: The way I think of it is that you have this inner voice. We call it the ‘inner voice to strategic leadership.’ You’re listening to your own internal wise advocate. You take on that voice in the organization around you, and that gives you confidence because you know what you’re doing, which is always what leaders in any organization want to do. You’re not just playing the game of ‘getting what I want.’ You’re playing the game of making the world a better place, helping your organization thrive for the next 10 years instead of the next six months or the next quarter, really figuring out what your career needs to be, what the people around you need to be.

You’re building the capacity to tackle those larger issues that you never seem to have time for on a purely transactional basis. So, you get stronger. As you get stronger, you get better. We’re not talking about this happening the day after tomorrow. You know people who have grown in the job, and this is typically the way they’ve done it — even if they don’t call it what we call it.

Schwartz: Art brings up another extremely important point: the word ‘confidence.’ It’s really the integrative term between personal neuroscience and using this model in applied business leadership principles. By creating that constructive narrative and inner dialogue with the wise advocate, which is that mindful voice inside of you, you can have not just a goal but a narrative about why you’re pursuing that goal and a sense of how you are participating in this plan going forward. That gives you the confidence to make decisions, and the sense of firmness and the sense of assertiveness that is so critical to leadership.

Knowledge@Wharton: You write in the book, “The focus of your attention determines what happens in the mind and the brain during these critical moments of choice and determines what kind of a leader you’re going to be.” Can you explain?

Schwartz: Yes, that builds on my work of 40 years at UCLA, and that really builds on the whole background of my work with people with obsessive-compulsive disorder. People with obsessive-compulsive disorder have a genetically inherited brain issue that is giving them very destructive, intrusive, bothersome thoughts.

It was teaching those people to use mindfulness, to use what we have now come to call the “wise advocate,” to redirect their attention away from those destructive, deceptive brain messages, and then using brain-imaging technology to discover that they could change their brain by changing the focus of their attention.

That is huge. That’s why we say the power is in the focus, because by focusing your attention differently, you rewire your brain. It was called “self-directed neuroplasticity,” a term that I coined in my book, The Mind and the Brain.

Knowledge@Wharton: Art, how did working on this book get you thinking about your own leadership skills?

Kleiner: I was at Booz Allen Hamilton, which was a 20,000-person firm, and then we spun off a 3,000-person firm, Booz & Company.… Then we were acquired by PwC, which is about 240,000 people or more around the world. In each case, the question of who am I as an individual versus what role I play in the larger organization was critically important.

I was constantly calibrating. Just one example: I’m an editor, and I was working with a group of editors. Sometimes it was not an editorial organization, so people sometimes didn’t always understand what editors do. I found myself using the phrase, “insouciant savoir faire.”

In other words, we’re not going to get anxious, we’re going to assume that we know what we’re doing — the savoir faire part — and as long as we know what we’re doing, we can afford to be insouciant because we can stand in our confidence.

That became something that I and a few other people kind of did on a day-to-day basis, and that changed our habits. It allowed us to think about what the organization needed to publish, and therefore we could work towards that end.

“The power is in the focus, because by focusing your attention differently, you rewire your brain.” –Jeffrey Schwartz

Knowledge@Wharton: Jeffrey, you talked earlier about the difference between low ground and high ground in decision-making. Can you take us deeper into that?

Schwartz: That is the critical distinction that we are making in the book. Principle No. 1 is, the key word to understand about the low ground is expedient decision-making. I want to stress we are not disparaging that. Expedient decision-making is taking into account questions framed around, what do I want? What does the other person want?

Ideally, in that kind of understanding, we’re trying to get to the win-win perspective. We never criticize it, but we do want to go beyond it into what we call strategic leadership, which brings in those key terms I mentioned already — mentalizing, executive function, and what we call applied mindfulness.

Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Birthday

One way of understanding what applied mindfulness means — and I think one of the cardinal advances in our book — is a business-related application to mean mentalizing about yourself. You really get in touch with your wise advocate and start to think about, what am I thinking? What am I going to do and why? That is real mindfulness, and we like to call it ‘applied mindfulness.’

Then you use your executive function — your planning, your goal orientation, your capacity to inhibit responses — because a lot of the advances in executive function come from inhibiting no-longer adaptive prior responses that have been wired into your habits. A lot of it is about changing habits. You can see how there is an integration between transactional and strategic leadership, and that’s what the book is about.

Knowledge@Wharton: Do you think business leaders understand this? They have more on their plate than ever before. Some of these elements may be the things that fall through the cracks.

Kleiner: I think most leaders know that they’re missing something, right? And most leaders make it work most of the time. In fact, I think a lot of leaders have gotten where they are by consulting their wise advocate or their inner voice quite a lot of the time, but not all the time.

We tell stories in our book about people like Aetna’s CEO Mark Bertolini, who raised the salary of the lowest-paid people in the organization in a very publicly renowned way, partly because he started thinking about what all the people in the organization were thinking. He took it to the first phase of doing it himself, but then he had to take it through the organization.

Organizations make it hard to live this way. Organizations have deceptive messages. “It must be flawless, or it’s worthless.” “We’re not effective, and we never will be.” Or, “We can do anything we want.” There are all sorts of deceptive messages that are unexamined, and they make it hard to really stand up and be the kind of leader we need to be right now — unless we know how to do it.

Happiness looks different for everyone. For you, maybe it’s being at peace with who you are. Or having a secure network of friends who accept you unconditionally. Or the freedom to pursue your deepest dreams.

Regardless of your version of true happiness, living a happier, more satisfying life is within reach. A few tweaks to your regular habits can help you get there.

Habits matter. If you’ve ever tried breaking a bad habit, you know all too well how ingrained they are.

Well, good habits are deeply ingrained, too. Why not work on making positive habits part of your routine?

Here’s a look at some daily, monthly, and yearly habits to help kickstart your quest. Just remember that everyone’s version of happiness is a little different, and so is their path to achieving it.

If some of these habits create added stress or just don’t fit your lifestyle, ditch them. With a little time and practice, you’ll figure out what does and doesn’t work for you.

Daily Habits

1. Smile

You tend to smile when you’re happy. But it’s actually a two-way street.

We smile because we’re happy, and smiling causes the brain to release dopamine, which makes us happier.

That doesn’t mean you have to go around with a fake smile plastered on your face all the time. But the next time you find yourself feeling low, crack a smile and see what happens. Or try starting each morning by smiling at yourself in the mirror.

2. Exercise

Exercise isn’t just for your body. Regular exercise can help to reduce stress, feelings of anxiety, and symptoms of depression while boosting self-esteem and happiness.

Even a small amount of physical activity can make a difference. You don’t have to train for a triathlon or scale a cliff—unless that’s what makes you happy, of course.

The trick is not to overexert. If you suddenly throw yourself into a strenuous routine, you’ll probably just end up frustrated (and sore).

Consider these exercise starters:

• Take a walk around the block every night after dinner.
• Sign up for a beginner’s class in yoga or tai chi.
• Start your day with 5 minutes of stretching. Here’s a set of stretches to get you started.

Remind yourself of any fun activities you once enjoyed, but that have fallen by the wayside. Or activities you always wanted to try, such as golf, bowling, or dancing.

3. Get Plenty of Sleep

No matter how much modern society steers us toward less sleep, we know that adequate sleep is vital to good health, brain function, and emotional well-being.

Most adults need about 7 or 8 hours of sleep every night. If you find yourself fighting the urge to nap during the day or just generally feel like you’re in a fog, your body may be telling you it needs more rest.

Here are a few tips to help you build a better sleep routine:

• • Write down how many hours of sleep you get each night and how rested you feel. After a week, you should have a better idea how you’re doing.
  • Go to bed and wake up at the same time every day, including weekends.
  • Reserve the hour before bed as quiet time. Take a bath, read, or do something relaxing. Avoid heavy eating and drinking.
  • Keep your bedroom dark, cool, and quiet.
  • Invest in some good bedding.
  • If you have to take a nap, try to limit it to 20 minutes.

If you consistently have problems sleeping, talk to your doctor. You may have a sleep disorder requiring treatment.

Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Hour

4. Eat with Mood in Mind

You already know that food choice have an impact on your overall physical health. But some foods can also affect your state of mind.

For example:

• • Carbohydrates release serotonin, a “feel good” hormone. Just keep simple carbs—foods high in sugar and starch—to a minimum, because that energy surge is short and you’ll crash. Complex carbs, such as vegetables, beans, and whole grains, are better.
  • Lean meat, poultry, legumes, and dairy are high in protein. These foods release dopamine and norepinephrine, which boost energy and concentration.
  • Highly processed or deep-fried foods tend to leave you feeling down. So will skipping meals.

Start by making one better food choice each day.

For example, swap a big, sweet breakfast pastry for some Greek yogurt with fruit. You’ll still satisfy your sweet tooth, and the protein will help you avoid a mid-morning energy crash. Try adding in a new food swap each week.

5. Be Grateful

Simply being grateful can give your mood a big boost, among other benefits. For example, a recent two-part study found that practicing gratitude can have a significant impact on feelings of hope and happiness.

Start each day by acknowledging one thing you’re grateful for. You can do this while you’re brushing your teeth or just waiting for that snoozed alarm to go off.

As you go about your day, try to keep an eye out for pleasant things in your life. They can be big things, such as knowing that someone loves you or getting a well-deserved promotion.

But they can also be little things, such as a co-worker who offered you a cup of coffee or the neighbor who waved to you. Maybe even just the warmth of the sun on your skin.

With a little practice, you may even become more aware of all the positive things around you.

6. Give a Compliment

Research shows that performing acts of kindness can help you feel more satisfied.

Giving a sincere compliment is a quick, easy way to brighten someone’s day while giving your own happiness a boost.

Catch the person’s eye and say it with a smile so they know you mean it. You might be surprised by how good it makes you feel.

If you want to offer someone a compliment on their physical appearance, make sure to do it in a respectful way. Here are some tips to get you started.

7. Breathe Deeply

You’re tense, your shoulders are tight, and you feel as though you just might “lose it.” We all know that feeling.

Instinct may tell you to take a long, deep breath to calm yourself down.

Turns out, that instinct is a good one. According to Harvard Health, deep breathing exercises can help reduce stress.

The next time you feel stressed or at your wit’s end, work through these steps:

• • Close your eyes. Try to envision a happy memory or a beautiful place.
  • Take a slow, deep breath in through your nose.
  • Slowly breathe out through your mouth or nose.
  • Repeat this process several times, until you start to feel yourself calm down.

If you’re having a hard time taking slow, deliberate breaths, try counting to 5 in your head with each inhalation and exhalation.

8. Acknowledge the Unhappy Moments

A positive attitude is generally a good thing, but bad things happen to everyone. It’s just part of life.

If you get some bad news, make a mistake, or just feel like you’re in a funk, don’t try to pretend you’re happy.

Acknowledge the feeling of unhappiness, letting yourself experience it for a moment. Then, shift your focus toward what made you feel this way and what it might take to recover.

Would a deep breathing exercise help? A long walk outside? Talking it over with someone?

Let the moment pass and take care of yourself. Remember, no one’s happy all the time.

9. Keep a Journal

A journal is a good way to organize your thoughts, analyze your feelings, and make plans. And you don’t have to be a literary genius or write volumes to benefit.

It can be as simple as jotting down a few thoughts before you go to bed. If putting certain things in writing makes you nervous, you can always shred it when you’ve finished. It’s the process that counts.

Not sure what to do with all the feelings that end up on the page? Our guide to organizing your feelings can help.

Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Wishes

10. Face Stress Head-On

Life is full of stressors, and it’s impossible to avoid all of them.

There’s no need to. Stanford psychologist Kelly McGonigal says that stress isn’t always harmful, and we can even change our attitudes about stress.

For those stressors you can’t avoid, remind yourself that everyone has stress—there’s no reason to think it’s all on you. And chances are, you’re stronger than you think you are.

Instead of letting yourself get overwhelmed, try to tackle the stressor head-on. This might mean initiating an uncomfortable conversation or putting in some extra work, but the sooner you tackle it, the sooner the pit in your stomach will start to shrink.

Weekly Habits

11. Declutter

Decluttering sounds like a big project, but setting aside just 20 minutes a week can have a big impact.

What can you do in 20 minutes? Lots.

Set a timer on your phone and take 15 minutes to tidy up a specific area of one room—say, your closet or that out-of-control junk drawer. Put everything in its place and toss or give away any extra clutter that’s not serving you anymore.

Keep a designated box for giveaways to make things a little easier (and avoid creating more clutter).

Use the remaining 5 minutes to do a quick walk through your living space, putting away whatever stray items end up in your path.

You can do this trick once a week, once a day, or anytime you feel like your space is getting out of control.

12. See Friends

Humans are social beings, and having close friends can make us happier.

Who do you miss? Reach out to them. Make a date to get together or simply have a long phone chat.

In adulthood, it can feel next to impossible to make new friends. But it’s not about how many friends you have. It’s about having meaningful relationships—even if it’s just with one or two people.

Try getting involved in a local volunteer group or taking a class. Both can help to connect you with like-minded people in your area. And chances are, they’re looking for friends, too.

Companionship doesn’t have to be limited to other humans. Pets can offer similar benefits, according to multiple studies.

Love animals but can’t have a pet? Consider volunteering at a local animal shelter to make some new friends — both human and animal.

Weekly Agenda And Brain Boostteach To Be Happy Person

13. Plan Your Week

Feel like you’re flailing about? Try sitting down at the end of every week and making a basic list for the following week.

Even if you don’t stick to the plan, blocking out time where you can do laundry, go grocery shopping, or tackle projects at work can help to quiet your mind.

You can get a fancy planner, but even a sticky note on your computer or piece of scrap paper in your pocket can do the job.

14. Ditch Your Phone

Unplug. Really.

Turn off all the electronics and put those earbuds away for at least one hour once a week. They’ll still be there for you later. If you still want them, that is.

If you haven’t unplugged in a while, you might be surprised at the difference it makes. Let your mind wander free for a change. Read. Meditate. Take a walk and pay attention to your surroundings. Be sociable. Or be alone. Just be.

Sound too daunting? Try doing a shorter amount of time several times a week.

15. Get Into Nature

Spending 30 minutes or more a week in green spaces can help lower blood pressure and depression, according to a 2016 study.

Your green space could be anything from your neighborhood park, your own backyard, or a rooftop garden—anywhere you can appreciate some nature and fresh air.

Better yet, add some outdoor exercise into the mix for extra benefit.

16. Explore Meditation

There are many methods of meditation to explore. They can involve movement, focus, spirituality, or a combination of all three.

Meditation doesn’t have to be complicated. It can be as simple as sitting quietly with your own thoughts for 5 minutes. Even the deep breathing exercises mentioned earlier can serve as a form of meditation.

17. Consider Therapy

We’re certainly happier when we learn how to cope with obstacles. When you’re faced with a problem, think about what got you through something similar in the past. Would it work here? What else can you try?

If you feel like you’re hitting a brick wall, consider speaking with a therapist on a weekly basis. You don’t need to have a diagnosed mental health condition or an overwhelming crisis to seek therapy.

Therapists are trained to help people improve coping skills. Plus, there’s no obligation to continue once you start.

Even just a few sessions can help you add some new goodies to your emotional toolbox.

Worried about the cost? Check out how to afford therapy on any budget.

18. Find a Self-Care Ritual

It’s easy to neglect self-care in a fast-paced world. But your body carries your thoughts, passions, and spirit through this world, doesn’t it deserve a little TLC?

Maybe it’s unwinding your workweek with a long, hot bath. Or adopting a skin care routine that makes you feel indulgent. Or simply setting aside a night to put on your softest jammies and watch a movie from start to finish.

Whatever it is, make time for it. Put it in your planner if you must, but do it.

Monthly Habits

19. Give Back

If you find that giving daily compliments provides a needed boost to your mood, considering making a monthly routine of giving back on a larger scale.

Maybe that’s helping out at a food bank on the third weekend of every month, or offering to watch your friend’s kids one night per month.

20. Take Yourself Out

No one to go out with? Well, what rule says you can’t go out alone?

Go to your favorite restaurant, take in a movie, or go on that trip you’ve always dreamed of.

Even if you’re a social butterfly, spending some deliberate time alone can help you reconnect with the activities that truly make you happy.

21. Create a Thought List

You arrive for an appointment with 10 minutes to spare. What do you do with that time? Pick up your cell phone to scroll through social media? Worry about the busy week you have ahead of you?

Take control of your thoughts during these brief windows of time.

At the start of each month, make a short list of happy memories or things you’re looking forward to on a small piece of paper or on your phone.

When you find yourself waiting for a ride, standing in line at the grocery store, or just with a few minutes to kill, break out the list. You can even use it when you’re just generally feeling down and need to change up your thoughts.

Yearly Habits

22. Take Time to Reflect

The start of a new year is a good time to stop and take inventory of your life. Set aside some time to catch up with yourself the way you would with an old friend:

• • • How are you doing?
    • What have you been up to?
    • Are you happier than you were a year ago?

But try to avoid the pitfall of judging yourself too harshly for your answers. You’ve made it to another year, and that’s plenty.

If you find that your mood hasn’t improved much over the last year, consider making an appointment with your doctor or talking to a therapist. You might be dealing with depression or even an underlying physical condition that’s impacting your mood.

23. Reevaluate Your Goals

People change, so think about where you’re heading and consider if that’s still where you want to go. There’s no shame in changing your game.

Let go of any goals that no longer serve you, even if they sound nice on paper.

24. Take Care of Your Body

You hear it all the time, including several times in this article, but your physical and mental health are closely intertwined.

As you build habits to improve your happiness, make sure to follow up with routine appointments to take care of your body:

• • see your primary care physician for an annual physical
  • take care of any chronic health conditions and see specialists as recommended
  • see your dentist for an oral exam and follow up as recommended
  • get your vision checked

25. Let Go of Grudges

This is often easier said than done. But you don’t have to do it for the other person.

Sometimes, offering forgiveness or dropping a grudge is more about self-care than compassion for others.

Take stock of your relationships with others. Are you harboring any resentment or ill will toward someone? If so, consider reaching out to them in an effort to bury the hatchet.

This doesn’t have to be a reconciliation. You may just need to end the relationship and move on.

If reaching out isn’t an option, try getting your feelings out in a letter. You don’t even have to send it to them. Just getting your feelings out of your mind and into the world can be freeing.

Ann Pietrangelo is an author, writer, and health care blogger. This article was first published on Healthline.